IC Inbox

[everswirlingtoilet]

You've reached the phone of Nick Sax. Congratulations--I'm sure it's the highlight of your day.

Assuming you had a point to reaching out, leave a message regarding said point. If I think it's worth my time, I'll get back to you. If not...

...beep.

Comments

[everswirlingtoilet]

Nah, go ahead.

But if it mentions a small blue unicorn, let me know. 'Cause I can explain that. Sort of.

[tucky]

You wanna explain it now?

[everswirlingtoilet]

Well...he's a little girl's imaginary friend. And no, I don't know how some kid's imaginary friend can actually exist but apparently that's a thing. Or I'm just delusional.

Anyway, he came to me to get my help in rescuing this little girl. Which only goes to prove imaginary friends are not real bright, because I'm the last person he should've been asking for help.

[tucky]

[That... is equal parts cute and weird.]

What did you do?

[everswirlingtoilet]

I did what any sane person would do--I tried to make him go away. But it's surprisingly hard to get rid of an invisible unicorn.

He nagged and whined and pouted and I finally decided the easiest way to get rid of him was to help him find the kid.

[tucky]

Did it work? Was she okay?

[everswirlingtoilet]

Never got that far. Turns out while I was looking for the guy who nabbed her, he was looking for me. He killed me and I ended up here.

[tucky]

Jesus.

I'm sorry. You got a real shitty hand dealt out to you.

[everswirlingtoilet]

Yeah, well...I probably had it coming. I haven't exactly put out a lot of good karma. The kid's the one who's getting a raw deal.

[tucky]

You think anyone else is gonna help her?

[everswirlingtoilet]

Probably...? I mean, it's not like there's a lack of cops in New York. And if Happy--that's the unicorn--if he's right about who her mom is, that lady's not going to give up.

[tucky]

Do you know her? The mom?

[everswirlingtoilet]

She might be my ex-wife.

[tucky]

And your ex-wife's kid might be...

[Maybe?]

[everswirlingtoilet]

Might be, yeah. [Is, but he hasn't quite processed that yet.]

I'd go so far as to say if Amanda has a kid that age, then it would be mine. But I haven't seen Amanda in ten years and I have no idea whether she has a kid of any age.

[tucky]

Why'd you think she might be this kid's mom?

[everswirlingtoilet]

Only because that's what the unicorn told me. So you can understand why I might be a little skeptical.

Still, he's been right about a few things so far so I can't call bullshit on this yet.

[tucky]

[Honestly, in a situation like that, Tiffany thinks she'd believe the unicorn. Easily.]

Shit.

We gotta get you back.

[everswirlingtoilet]

I suppose that is the plan. Just one small problem with that plan--more of a big problem really--which is I really am a piece of shit.

[tucky]

I've seen worse.

[everswirlingtoilet]

And that's wrong in more ways than I care to think about.

Also, you haven't seen me at my worst so buckle up, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

[tucky]

Maybe not. But you ain't seen how bad some of the people I've known were, either.

[everswirlingtoilet]

If you're talking about some of the losers on this ship...then I can believe it.

[tucky]

Actually, it's mostly at home. I knew a lot of real awful assholes at home.

[everswirlingtoilet]

Yeah, but those are garden variety assholes. I could give any one of them a run for his money.

Except the pedophiles. Or the rapists. I don't do that shit. [Even an asshole has to have standards.]